Sunday, June 7, 2020
forgiveness, Defined
When I forgive those that cross me. I accept that they will probably do it again. And I accept that they may it may not feel bad about their actions. Ultimately forgiveness had m less stop drop with them and more to do with me.
Sunday, May 24, 2020
we partied hard... until dad got home
We Celebrated my roommates birthday by playing cards against humanity and getting really messed up. Everything was great until the older roommate got home from work. Suddenly all the energy was sucked out of the room. We finished the party with "tank girl" and then everyone just conked out.
Saturday, May 23, 2020
haunted shopping.
I went shopping at Wal-Mart. Tried to buy so many things, I ended up buying lots of nothing. Thanks to weird hours and apparently everyone geting money at the same time, I didn't need to shop long.
I left feeling like I had just visited a cemetery,all sorts of conflicted and haunted.
Thursday, May 21, 2020
dad jokes....
Waiting for Rob mortenson to call. Very tired. Very grumpy. Trying not to show it though. Anticipating Rob telling bad dad jokes as always. will retell later, if he does.
Tuesday, May 19, 2020
chilling with my bro, listening to raps with feelin'
did my work today, not much else to say. hearin' star wars rap, while hanging with my best chap. if we were apart of a world so fictional, I'd be Jedi Philo-Gin, and he would be Darth Sarcastic the Eternal.
feeling pretty chill thanks to my muscle-relaxers being refilled.
feeling pretty chill thanks to my muscle-relaxers being refilled.
Monday, May 18, 2020
space jam! and food
Watching spacejam, just eating some some of the wife's croissant pepperoni sticks. Suddenly a cloud of paranoia wafts over, and I'm surrounded by Looney martians! S'all good though, turns out a little bit of cheese and a lot of tequila makes martians fall down....
therapy .... again
Once again, I feel like I am missing pieces. So...I sell therapy.... And the therapist tells me to start a blog....k.... Done!
Saturday, March 9, 2019
A New Beginning...
My name is chuck, and I am in trouble. at least I am not alone
I mean this fire I'm in is certainly not without company. I would say pan but, you know the streets have kind of been my metaphorical "pan" for years. OH, that reminds me, you might need to know how old I am. You know so that way when I smoke without my babysitters knowing, you 'll know that it's not underage smoking. I am 24, so you can allow me to enjoy this .... mmm ... cigarette without judgement.
Anyway im in cell block "whogivesadamn" in the prison located in "thisdoesn'texist" getting experimented on by guys who might as well be holiday characters. That last bit wasn't quite a joke. apparently these guys are REALLY paranoid and have dressed themselves up in holiday costumes. it may sound like a really dumb idea, but even I have to admit, it's genius.
See I have been watching person after person get pulled out of our wooden (yeah wooden weird right?) cells, and dragged away by the easter bunny or santa claus or whatever costume they had on at the time. then that same person comes back, but REALLY messed up. One guy ended up with some weird tick, which made him twitch almost constantly. they were going to take him again, but thats before they noticed he had "ticked" his head backwards all by himself. so they had to move on to the next cell, which happens to be right next to mine.
My future is looking rather good I think! Maybe I should update my stocks maybe even put a down payment on my non-existent home right along side my non-existent car! Or maybe I can get real and use my toes to snag the smoke that one of the guards just happened to flip near enough to my cell. Guess which one I did?
I mean this fire I'm in is certainly not without company. I would say pan but, you know the streets have kind of been my metaphorical "pan" for years. OH, that reminds me, you might need to know how old I am. You know so that way when I smoke without my babysitters knowing, you 'll know that it's not underage smoking. I am 24, so you can allow me to enjoy this .... mmm ... cigarette without judgement.
Anyway im in cell block "whogivesadamn" in the prison located in "thisdoesn'texist" getting experimented on by guys who might as well be holiday characters. That last bit wasn't quite a joke. apparently these guys are REALLY paranoid and have dressed themselves up in holiday costumes. it may sound like a really dumb idea, but even I have to admit, it's genius.
See I have been watching person after person get pulled out of our wooden (yeah wooden weird right?) cells, and dragged away by the easter bunny or santa claus or whatever costume they had on at the time. then that same person comes back, but REALLY messed up. One guy ended up with some weird tick, which made him twitch almost constantly. they were going to take him again, but thats before they noticed he had "ticked" his head backwards all by himself. so they had to move on to the next cell, which happens to be right next to mine.
My future is looking rather good I think! Maybe I should update my stocks maybe even put a down payment on my non-existent home right along side my non-existent car! Or maybe I can get real and use my toes to snag the smoke that one of the guards just happened to flip near enough to my cell. Guess which one I did?
Thursday, March 7, 2019
Monday, August 21, 2017
at my limit
I am sick, I am tired, i am coughing and feeling like I am dying. No I am serious I really feel like I am dying thanks to the fact that i can't breathe really well. I have tobreathe through my nose otherwise i =irritate my throat too much and send myself coughing so hard I am might as well be puking and my face turns beet red. However i am not just sick, i am really tired of everybody not fucking listening to me. I say I cant handle someone problems on the weekends...I fucking mean it! do you want to know why i can't handle problems on the weekends? check this out:
friday- wake up and there is no coffee, why? because i have a new roommate who drinks it CONSTANTLY. so i try to settle up with tea. next up i sit down to try to enjoy my morning routine of waking up, have some co-oh well thats screwed up already i at least can have a smo-NOPE!
phone goes off, "you need to do this, I need you to do that, so and so pissed me off today... "
oh ....kay.... no good morning? whatever they are in crisis mode or something, they don't understand you just woke up, just ignor-
"hey honey? what do I do about this i got text from blah blah blah I need you to tekk me what to do blah blah blah im trying to be supportive wife by doing what you do but I dont know how to do that so tell me what to do so i can do it with your step by step instructions in which I I have asked you for again and again?"
O.....M....G.... im trying to WAKE UP! I haven't even finished my smoke yet! the house is trashed by EVERYONE! yet lets face it everyone know that i will eventually fix it one way or another. why should I not fix it? I am the one that gets bothered by it the mpost. I can barely sit at my computer and play games without someone bothering me! anyway continuing forward, I finally deal with all that stuff and finally get into a game to relax or something. ive been awake for less than 20 minutes. then i talk with my first client of the day. bob lets just call him, things go ok. I vent to him a little (that bites me in the ass later) travis the new room mate is trying to be helpful by doing dishes which i find out later wern't all that done well. let me cut to the chase, fast forward a few days its now monday, im having coughing fits that are nearly killing me, and what am I doing as soon as my CAT wakes me up at 5 am? (p.s. I went to sleep around THREE!) cleaning. I am puting dishes into the dishwasher that have been from THURSDAY! finding mugs which answers the question of "where have all the mugs gone?" which my wife has been asking me. seting a pan to soak that has been siting there since whenever we had tacos, which we didn't hav3e my step son over at the time for that. oh by the way my step son came over which with him even though i have ear phones on he still sits there and asks me stupid questions and wants to tell me crap that I already know over and over and over again. heck he was watching a show, which I told him i grew up on, and I have been watching right along side him the whole time, when he suddenly paused it, just to tell me something I ALREADY KNEW, that just happened literally 1 minute ago. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! dwhen i need help where is everyone? i shouldn't be goin to my clients and venting to them to get help! i shouldn't have tyo be cleaning after THREE GROWN ADULTS!~!@! I shouldn't have to ask someone hey have you brushed your teeeth ahavve you brushed your hair, have you taken a shower, when they are above drinking age AND have a kid of their own!!! Oh and not to mention the same freaking person going into my own, grabbing a lighter that is hanigng right nexzt to my head with out asking, with waking me up, without even TELLING me~!!!!!. I have to find out from eaves droping on a conversation between my wife and him, before I have even OPENED MY EYES!! im still in bed. and people wonder why i have a habit of hiding when i am asleep and not. SERIOUSLY? talk about invasion of privacy and space. not to mention when this guy comes home after midnight, DRUNK OFF HIS ASS! and about to freaking wakeup my stepson! after me sticking my neck out and defending this guy to the gaurdian of SAID STEPSON@! are freaking me, HEY DAVE HOW ARE YOU?! I have to pull him outside and try to sober him up by walking around and around a freaking park away from building cause he is talking loud enough TO WAKE THE DEAD. lthis guy who happ[end to be "trying to get his life straight" swo he dowesnt end up in JAIL! he is living with us FREE eating our food, smoking our ciggeretttes, drinking our coffee, and i have asked him to do one thing! ONE! get his shit together so he doesn't end up in jail in less than thirty days! thats it! he can't show appreciation by cleaning the house? no I have to ask him,. "hey dude, can you take out the trash?" "sure man" 2 hours later" hey dude can you take out the trash?" "sure man" 6 hours later"hey dude can, you take out the trash?" "sure man", "can you do it now? " "SIGH, yeah sure man"
are you freaking serious!!! I haven't told you half the crap that happened this weekend. yeah this all happened within the last 72 hours. i haven't told you about micheal teling his gaurdian to shut up, or his swearing hor his abusing the cat! I havet talked about how I had to apologise to everyone cause i had a mental freaking break down yesterday!!!!!!!! I asm freaking tired of people not listening to me~! i m tired of my wife promising me something and she bails on it, I am tired of feeling alone!!!!! which is wy i wrote this, i wanted someone to see.....just ANYONE to see an idea of how myuch shit I put up with, even when i dont seem to be doing anything AT ALLL! p.s. every day this weekend my cat has woke me up at 5 am just so i can look at all the terrible freaking things him and his brother have done, including knocking my computer moniter over and knocking down my keyboartd and mouse. something I cant afford to replace. not to mention the fact that I haven't able to go to sleep till about 2 am or 3 am for various reasons but one of them is due to the fact that one of the cats in this house like to destroy carpet..... right next to the bed full knowing that i am going to eventually get up and chase him down.
friday- wake up and there is no coffee, why? because i have a new roommate who drinks it CONSTANTLY. so i try to settle up with tea. next up i sit down to try to enjoy my morning routine of waking up, have some co-oh well thats screwed up already i at least can have a smo-NOPE!
phone goes off, "you need to do this, I need you to do that, so and so pissed me off today... "
oh ....kay.... no good morning? whatever they are in crisis mode or something, they don't understand you just woke up, just ignor-
"hey honey? what do I do about this i got text from blah blah blah I need you to tekk me what to do blah blah blah im trying to be supportive wife by doing what you do but I dont know how to do that so tell me what to do so i can do it with your step by step instructions in which I I have asked you for again and again?"
O.....M....G.... im trying to WAKE UP! I haven't even finished my smoke yet! the house is trashed by EVERYONE! yet lets face it everyone know that i will eventually fix it one way or another. why should I not fix it? I am the one that gets bothered by it the mpost. I can barely sit at my computer and play games without someone bothering me! anyway continuing forward, I finally deal with all that stuff and finally get into a game to relax or something. ive been awake for less than 20 minutes. then i talk with my first client of the day. bob lets just call him, things go ok. I vent to him a little (that bites me in the ass later) travis the new room mate is trying to be helpful by doing dishes which i find out later wern't all that done well. let me cut to the chase, fast forward a few days its now monday, im having coughing fits that are nearly killing me, and what am I doing as soon as my CAT wakes me up at 5 am? (p.s. I went to sleep around THREE!) cleaning. I am puting dishes into the dishwasher that have been from THURSDAY! finding mugs which answers the question of "where have all the mugs gone?" which my wife has been asking me. seting a pan to soak that has been siting there since whenever we had tacos, which we didn't hav3e my step son over at the time for that. oh by the way my step son came over which with him even though i have ear phones on he still sits there and asks me stupid questions and wants to tell me crap that I already know over and over and over again. heck he was watching a show, which I told him i grew up on, and I have been watching right along side him the whole time, when he suddenly paused it, just to tell me something I ALREADY KNEW, that just happened literally 1 minute ago. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! dwhen i need help where is everyone? i shouldn't be goin to my clients and venting to them to get help! i shouldn't have tyo be cleaning after THREE GROWN ADULTS!~!@! I shouldn't have to ask someone hey have you brushed your teeeth ahavve you brushed your hair, have you taken a shower, when they are above drinking age AND have a kid of their own!!! Oh and not to mention the same freaking person going into my own, grabbing a lighter that is hanigng right nexzt to my head with out asking, with waking me up, without even TELLING me~!!!!!. I have to find out from eaves droping on a conversation between my wife and him, before I have even OPENED MY EYES!! im still in bed. and people wonder why i have a habit of hiding when i am asleep and not. SERIOUSLY? talk about invasion of privacy and space. not to mention when this guy comes home after midnight, DRUNK OFF HIS ASS! and about to freaking wakeup my stepson! after me sticking my neck out and defending this guy to the gaurdian of SAID STEPSON@! are freaking me, HEY DAVE HOW ARE YOU?! I have to pull him outside and try to sober him up by walking around and around a freaking park away from building cause he is talking loud enough TO WAKE THE DEAD. lthis guy who happ[end to be "trying to get his life straight" swo he dowesnt end up in JAIL! he is living with us FREE eating our food, smoking our ciggeretttes, drinking our coffee, and i have asked him to do one thing! ONE! get his shit together so he doesn't end up in jail in less than thirty days! thats it! he can't show appreciation by cleaning the house? no I have to ask him,. "hey dude, can you take out the trash?" "sure man" 2 hours later" hey dude can you take out the trash?" "sure man" 6 hours later"hey dude can, you take out the trash?" "sure man", "can you do it now? " "SIGH, yeah sure man"
are you freaking serious!!! I haven't told you half the crap that happened this weekend. yeah this all happened within the last 72 hours. i haven't told you about micheal teling his gaurdian to shut up, or his swearing hor his abusing the cat! I havet talked about how I had to apologise to everyone cause i had a mental freaking break down yesterday!!!!!!!! I asm freaking tired of people not listening to me~! i m tired of my wife promising me something and she bails on it, I am tired of feeling alone!!!!! which is wy i wrote this, i wanted someone to see.....just ANYONE to see an idea of how myuch shit I put up with, even when i dont seem to be doing anything AT ALLL! p.s. every day this weekend my cat has woke me up at 5 am just so i can look at all the terrible freaking things him and his brother have done, including knocking my computer moniter over and knocking down my keyboartd and mouse. something I cant afford to replace. not to mention the fact that I haven't able to go to sleep till about 2 am or 3 am for various reasons but one of them is due to the fact that one of the cats in this house like to destroy carpet..... right next to the bed full knowing that i am going to eventually get up and chase him down.
Monday, July 3, 2017
The New Me
I am now a volunteer life coach for two clients. I use things I have learned from the way ministry and my own life, to help others with borderline personality disorder turn their lives around. for the purposes of this blog I will call my first client Cold, and my second client Hot. as you will see in future posts it is pretty accurate to their personalities too. I hope to post something on here at least once a week. Over the past few years my life has improved dramaticly as I have added more and more Word to the thing s I do and think. for those who are looking to this diary for guidance and help, remember this, "Your perception, Is your Reality."
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
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