after such a long period of time, I am have a decent day, its not perfect but its workable. At least I am able to function. after my appointment with the light house (counseler) i was drapped without being asked to eve's freinds house. I was irritated but then I realized the good in going. with my new homework being trying to figure out hwho I want as friends, i decided to try to figgure out what i liked or did not like about eve's friend. she was a nice lady with two kids, i absolutly adored her 6 year old son. we wrestled and all that. i am still left with questions concerning the friend however, something about her rang alram bells. difinitly not a person I would want to hang with regularly, every now and then to have a good time sure. with this in mind I think that one of the things i would like in a friend is the ability to trust them, for them to be strong individuals on their own. none of this mooch type thing. not to say eve;s friend was a mooch, but i do know that she is going through a hard time, and she neds a lot of help, people like that, i always feel sorry for and so i go out of my way even if its not good for my health to help them. something i got REALLY tired of when concerning my ex wife and previous freinds.
still dealing with lonliness, but I am managing it better today. i just wish there was some cure for it. i dont think i will ever be rid of it. simply because I am always most hapy when doing something romantic in some way for some one. I could do it for friends and so on. i have done that. but the problem is that eventually I expect something in return, and when i dont get what I expect, its like have an angry blow out, but instead a lovey dovey type. my whole world shatters, because as i expect and do things, i begin to see the world differntly than it is. its a slow progresson, which makes it even worse.
im currently doing a bunch of other things i will have to continue later.
