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Me and Dave went to my uncle Troy's b-day party today. it went wonderfully! Dave and I had a blast. There wer

Trying to get myself adopted

I am so used to have no support from my family that getting support from my GF's family is completly new to me.  I LOVE IT! they are such a huge help!  we run out of food, call this person.  we run a lil short on cash, call that person.  need someone to talk to, call this other person.  it is so awesome!  I love her family.  I just wish my GF could see through mmy eyes and she would understand more of what she has.

EASTER

Hanging with GF's fam on easter.

The increase in lamictal has definitly made a difference. My impulse control is a lot better. My focus however is kind of messed up obviously due to the pills

I hate this shit, it is so hard she is hurting and i cant help her. sometimes scares how much my gf's emotions affect me.

Massive depression hit today, slpet most of today and yesterday.

small graspo of wisdom..

I was thinking of a discussion I had with an ex lover of my girlfriend, something came to me.  this ex lover of hers seemed to treat me as if I agreed with everything my girlfriend did.  as if we were like minded about everything.  it makes me wonder, is that the common problem about todays romance?  is everyone trying in secret to find themselves?  I thought about it. At first it makes a sort of sense.  However if you look further down the road you realize that someone who grows straight up with as you go through our small amount of time in this world.  will only grow straight up, and eventually will fall apart from its own weight.  however if you find someone iwho is like you ennough to intrigue you, to make you question yourself, that you get hooked.  yes this is a great start.  but they also have to be different enough to oppose you, to challenge you.  thus they have to be just enough the opposite.  as i thought about this, I thought of other things as well.  You see my girlfriend lives in a world of paintings and pretty colors, vibrate reds, blues, purple, and above black.  black seems to stand out quite for both of us (I sometimes wonder if that is just part of being human).  however, I choose to look beyond the canvas to the "skeletons as i have called them.  my world combines thoughts feeling ideas hunchs religious belifs all with a stragely large dose of what I guess i will call "weird math".  viewing my world the way i do,  has given me interesting insights into not only the world around me but also into the people around me.  I have been able to utilize this "world view" to further my survival.  I used it as a child, and I continue to use as an adult.  the big question that i keep asking myself is:"should I alter her view?"  for you see my way of veiwing things has enabled me to surpass my drawbacks at almost every corner and to be able to circumvent many of my problems before they have actually grown into a visible threat.  In doing these things I have also been able to foresee most of my problems, and find a way to at least survive them.  every day my way of seeing things changes.  Not only that but more importantly it slowly grows as well.  i thank god for the things in my life.  Espeacially for the ability to see the wonders he does.  I can see the black and the white, but however every now and then, for medium lengths of time,  i see new colors.  colors that aren't color.  There is no bad, there is no good, there is only furthering the equation, doing what is necessary for thhis machine called "life" to reach its final conclusion.  I dont know what it is, i have my theories.  But I can only see a tiny potion of the puzzle at a time.
     hearing all this, you would almost think that there is no reason why I should try my hardest to show her my world.  but there is a small problem.... the phrase "ignorance is bliss."  and the fact that sometimes, the seed is not ready to grow, and that sometimes, the flower does not want to grow the thorns necessary for the rose bush.  not only that, There is also the bigger question, do I have the ability to open her eyes, without burning them.  Many people in fact I havve developed the theory that many people, see only the paint.  They get by on that, enjoying the beauty without questioning it.  without asking the question. I grant you most people ask the question why on a regular basis.  but do they ask it enough to see what I see?  i dont thinks so.  I believe that my last few statement have alreasy shwn me to be quite arrogant and narcisctic in many ways.  Even though i may be deluded on in my own grandeur sometimes, I am not stupid enough to believe that I have the ability to give someone else the gift that god gave me.  even if they show the potential to hold it. 
     To be honest, i think may ability to see things the way i do, gives me a draw back I have not really found a way to fix.  I have a hard time focusing on the simple stuff that other people who see the canvas,  can do.  and i worry that trying to give kat my insight, will give her the same problem.
     i can not tell you that I know that me and her will be together for the rest of our lives.  i learned that time changes many things.but i do know that in the now, I am the perfect one to help her, and she has the potential to finaly give me the focus and purpose I have always wanted.

To be honest though, i really hate being patient lol.  i have been waiting for as long as i can remeber for the very focus i hope she will help sculpt out of me.  and so far she has not kept me waiting with out giving me tidbits here and there.  time was always my mosted hated enemy.  Somehow though it always seems to put things where they need to be, if you let it.  to be clear, in my mind, time and god, are basicly the same thing.  or rather god created everything, and time is just a way to measure the amount of clicks that happen in any given moment.

well I think i have rambled long enough, you can thank my girlfriend for this long post, she is the one that said i should try puting more of myself into this thing.  i hope it helps.

Another post From GF

Isan8ty can't seem to multitask without breaking down a bit. we worked on some music and it took it all out of him... it kinda concerns me.

GF's bro might be able to move in, we have already found ways for him to help with finances.

Last night kind of got glitchy but ended having really good sex with my girl she let me sit there and enjoy it. It was relaxing but i still had to deal paranoia

Had to sell ps2 since it was on the fritz. Got a ps0ne i have totally decided to go retro. I got a vcr with a lot of vhs and so on.

bored at female docs

At the doc with GF. Boredd bored bored and broke this sucks i has no money for patty day. Planning on trying to enjot the good weather l8ter.

HINDSIGHT ADDITION
freaking doctor was unable to help my GF thanks to her insurance.  so we have to get her on some new insurance plan type thing to get her IUD our and a new one put in or some type of new contraceptive.

I AM 202 POUNDS AGAIN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

The fog has come. However good things have still occured. Someone paid for my groceries when my wallet was missing.

Very angry for not muxh reason havent had much sleep been worried gf is going to niss her appointment today. Also worried im going to hurt someone with my mood

He's so worried...

Insan8ty forgot part of today and can't seem to stop crying. Apparently his biggest fear is Alzheimers (I know I spelled that wrong...) He's worried that he'll get it at a young age and be a huge burden on me. Sure, that worries me too, but I'll never leave him. I love him, he's so sweet, so good to me, and he understands me. I understand his fear, I have a similar fear of Dimentia. He's asked me to blog this for him, he's really upset and I don't know how to make him feel better. I've told him that if he works his brain sort of like a muscle, it will get stronger, but I think he's running in blind fear now. Please bring this up at his upcoming appointment. I'll be there too, if that's ok. Thanks.

-GF

GFt's first post

Ok, crazy shit went down recently... Insan8ty let his brother  stay for a few days, thinking that we have to move and living with him would make bills cheaper. So we let him come over for a few days as a test run. All was fine until he started bugging me to buy him some weed. I'm like "dude, not my scene" and he's like "well, I need it, I don't take meds, I smoke weed" This went on for three days before I stormed off into the bedroom and slammed the door, pissed that he kept bugging me. I could hear them talking, then yelling at each other. Theo trying to tell Insan8ty what to do, Insan8ty trying to get him to apologize for disrespecting me and him. Finally I heard what I thought was one of them pushing the other. I called 911. I found out later that it was actually the bro slamming something down on the counter or something like that, but the cops showed up, questioned us, and he left. We learned that not only can we not live with Theo Insan8ty's brother, we should not live with anyone.

I am pissed that Theo treated me that way and we've decided he's no longer welcome in our home. I am pleased that Dave stood up for me like that, but I think that Theo brings out the worst in Dave. I admit, I was really pissed that he kept bugging me to do something illegal that I did not want to do, and would not stop! He came into our home and started bossing us around like he was king of the basement. It was bullshit.

Right now me and Dave are at a friends' house. We've been here since Wednesday night. The first few days were stressful because of our friends' son and his friend, driving us crazy, but we went out to karaoke last night and had a blast! Me and Dave couldn't get enough of each other, singing, dancing, making out. I love him so much.

Feel free to ask me any questions. Anything to help Dave. Especially since he's helped get me into counseling as well. A couple that grows together stays together.     -Kat

I am concerned with the future, we have to move soon and I dont have the capacity to do much about it...

Sitting in cmh with kat affering support for her first appointment.

Suddenly things are going downhill again right when i need the energy to solve so many problems ...sigh

This is funny
verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/demotivational-posters-untitled8.jpg

I have given kat access....dont know if her reading my blog will be good or not

Been hanging with my bro, we even came up with a band name. we are the S.H.I.T. :)

Good news i have new art works that i am going to be posting including music

Had a sudden surge in depression yesterday. Started to cry thank god kat was there!

Testing first text in a long while, i love my GF.