I have been feeling my lovy dovy mode comong on for a while, i have been fighting it away, byt trying to spend time with friends doing friend type of things. it has been working greeat so far. But then earlier today when i went for a LONG walk with eve, we started talking about htings. ihad told her i wanted to start looking for someone to be with, someone nice and for once decent for me. she still thinks its a bad idea with all the issues I have. i think she is right. but to be honest i am so tired of dealing with issues on my own. she didnt understand what i meant when i mentioned that. i had to explain, that when i am feeling really bad, i cant go to her. and she said wwhy not im your friend arent i?
yes you are, but, when someone holds me or anything when i am feeling down, i get an emotional attachment to them, which can causes massive problems for us
she didnt understand, but after a while, i convinced her and got her to understand. she still thinks that me being with someone is a bad idea. i cant really disagree, but at the same time, i reeally cant stand this anymore, i am tired of feeling suicidal and depressed and having no one to really go to that can help me through it. Ont top of that I am tired of watching adam go through similiar problems but yet having somoene to lean on. mean while i cant. god it pisses me off. anyway i im about to completly lose it and start balling but my room mate doesnt know icause i am makeing light of the situation instead of telling her. i know I am not gong to blow up so there is no real point in inform her cause like i said i cant go to her really for any REAL healing. Yay me
No comments:
Post a Comment