i am so depressed.... i tired imim everything i wasnt to cry. I dont know why, and I dont really care. Im just tired. why do i have to geal with this i know that god has a plan and that i am supposed to deal with this, but to be honest I hope the plan is big, cause otherwise . . . I dont know but this sucks. mood swings that are so powerful i land in the hospital but not for a mental reason but because i think I sent mys4elf into a heart attack....OH JOY!. good news. i am cuting ties with all potential temptation whe it comes to bad women. still... questions should be answered.... WHY would anyone with out issues hang out with me. i haave no job, i serve no purpose. I dont understand my whole world makes no sense. I aso tired of this I so so so tired of this. even on here i mope and i ramble no one gives a shit i would love a comment even if it was some asshole doing it. at least someone cared to leave a mark. i doknt know. eright now I want to find a woman to fall into her arms and ball, but i cant do that that just makes me worse. But maybe i could try to divert my depression by checking out some freaky porn. but no i think that makes me worse too. and so i am left with "dealing" which doesnt not allieviate anything. ... (tiny letters) yay......(regular letters) if i was with my counseler right now, i would describe the random ideas that go through my head. death by literally carving out my heart so maybe it would stop hurting, fiding a hot rod to pierce through my arm. cutting of my hand and cooking it. I mean this is real fun shit to have in your head! REAL FUCKING FUN NOOOOOOOOOOOTTT!!!! i just want to lay in down on a lap and be told everythings going to be ok, by soeone I could belive it from.................... sadly i cant think of anyone that i could believe it from, other than Eve. who i hapen to have wanted to kill earlier today. god why? WHY WHY WHY WHYYY! a car, a meteor. a muging, don't care but end it! fuck this i am going to go and try to get some sleep.............
darkness lies in the deep
fail goals swim like sharks below
your boat lanced with holes of doubt
still you paddle on through the fog
north, east, south west,
each direction its on prize
but only one gives life
raising your hand you wipe away the rain
only to be blinded again and again by the water unfallen
light flashes through the fog
twinkling like fallen dreams
showing the way for just a momment
before vanishing thanks to misjudged betrayal
leaving the only light steady
the burning blaze from within
as it flares so does the steam from the water
as it dies down so does memories gold go
yes, now you understand.
in this fog where you cannot see
you might begin to feel what it is like to be....
Me
gnight
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