the darkness finally begins its descent.  depression hits as of now.  so, why does it hit?  Because ididnt allow myself to blow up on those that have been there for me through all my issues.  DAMNED IF I FUCKING DO DAMNED IF I FUCKING DONT.  so what to do now?  I have no fucking idea.  should I ask Eve for assistance?  Do I trust my state of mind to do so....?  Maybe...but how does one go about asking for help in such a predictament?  When i was married I would say that i dont feel well and bingo i would start down the path of help.  but im not maried.  i dont know what the fuck to say because you know what I typically dont feel well every fucking day to some extent.  so me saying "oh i dont feel so great"  doesnt work real well.  sure, I may understate things when i say I dont feel so great, but i dont like coming out and saying:  my mind and body are at war, im struggleing to keep myself from trying to pull myself to peiices.  hmm maybe i should tell her that.  I dont know what is the fucking point of it all my moods change when the fucking want and I am so tired of it.  i got college, I got dreams, i got hopes.  i dont want to be dragged down by my insanity.  to be continued.