the good news is i figured out how to post from my cell phone. bad news is I can only post like one line at a time. however it still handy to remind me of what happends. so onto the real BAD news....
I am currently going througha week of a strange obsession. I found that physical contact makes my issues a lot more bearable. however I sem to get FAR to attached in some way or another, due to this, I apparently developed a strange obsession. One I am too embarassed about to mention here, I know I am going to kick it eventually, so once I do I will be sure to share it ( or not depending on its importance) otherwise i have had several other blows. I am freaking out, I dont think its a good idea to brach out and ask anyone for help right now. I dont know what to do. i seem to pedaling REALLY fast backwards. but yet its different. this depression is killing me though. I cant seem to get out of it, and when i do its only for short periods of time (Anywhere between fifteen minutes to fifteen hours). I have got things screaming in my head.
i want love
i want affection
i want pain
I want fire
I want i want I need i need
FUDGE!
I dont think I am ever ever ever going to goet over this i am starting to think that i should settle for being alone...... just the way i am
is this how high i can go? i this my destiny to continually fight ME
why
my biggest desire is love
thats it
thats all
it has never changed
the only FUCKING thing i care about
is the potential for a real relationship
where i can be happy
and that same deisre is so powerful that it cant get what it wants
help
help
help
i never seem to ask for shit when i really need it
well
help
one problem....
what the frick is anyone going to do about this?
other than give me happy pills
i am screwed
I haven't gone to lclass
cause i cant stand being out there
alone
among other people
people that I dont want them to look at me like i am retarded
although that is how i act sometimes
and I think
to day is one of those days
why
seriously
why?
do i make bad choices
or am I graspoing to high?
what makes me jump too far
what makes me plumet like i am now?
WHAT
i dont want it anymore
i dant want to be me if this is me!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
