i know that i want friends that are funny, easy to hang with, and like me for me. but at the same time, i want respect. i dont want frends that are stressing to be around. i dont mind some stress people are stressful its a common thing. but I don't need someone to lean on me. and that is why I really really hate me
because I feel as though i am parasite or a symbiote (more parasite). and therefore if i had a choice of wether or not to hang with myself I wouldnt. i dont know what to do. i am a goofy dork that must people consider more of a brother than anything else. I HATE THIS FACT.
where is the power the respect the dignity in these things? i dont see it I know it probably is there I just dont care for it.
still dealing with lonliness and depression, begining to not give a shit about anything. I am starting to sit comfortably on an island of "dont give a crap about shit" I want to sleep all day now, dont care too much about eating until i have food in front of me. I dont want to go upstairs anymore. i dont really want to hang with anyone. I am all around unhapp[y with the cards I have been dealt in my life. i am aware how stupid and self centered this i. and I dont really give a shit. If i thought i could go to a happier place, i would off myself. but sadly that is the one thing my logic and emotions can agree on. dieing isnt an option so living without living stalling until my moods rise, this is all I want or seem to be able to do. i have no real life. i have no one who i feel really cares. and I live in a world of emotional delusion and have no real way out. i am fucking unhappy if you havent caught the drift. death would be a release if it didnt come from my hand or idea. sadly god seems towant me to stick around. if i was lucky some punk would run me over or shoot me to steal my wallet. but hey! i dont have luck I have shit. anyway this isnt going to help any further so i amg oing to go lay in bed and pretend i live in a different world. a world of abstract ness. a world where my delusions are the rules. where maybe i can be comfortable for a while yes?
fuck me
